Meet Bert

Bert is one of those people you love or hate. I experience both, sometimes (confusingly) at the same time. I've lived with Bert for many years (oh, hundreds) and the one thing I can say is that he's not boring. Exasperating, infuriating, mind-bogglingly bad at knowing what makes me tick - but not boring. (Well, OK, maybe every now and then.)

Why am I basing a blog on living with Bert? Because I don't see why I should be the only person on the planet who has to know what it's like. Because other people should feel the pain too, if only vicariously.

Actually, there are two other people who know what living with Bert is like: our daughters Katie (15) and Louise (12). It drives them mad too, and apart from the odd guilty moment for giving them a bonkers dad, I do feel that they are developing some fantastic life skills. If they can cope with their dad, they'll cope with pretty much anyone. Sir Alan Sugar? He's a pussycat. Tom Cruise? He needs to try much harder if he really wants to control his family.

The song 'I Was In Love With A Difficult Man' by Christine Lavin pretty much sums it up. Though I haven't actually left yet.

Recent examples of classic Bert behaviour include:

• Two years (and counting) building and fitting our house extension ('things take longer than you think'; 'if you want a good job doing you have to do it yourself / you can't trust tradesmen'; 'quality takes time'; 'why are you hitting me?'). And don't imagine for one moment it's actually finished yet.
  
• Phoning me in a panic after accidentally smashing the £1000+ brand new induction hob in the newly fitted kitchen. I asked him why he sounded so out of breath: 'I had to go for a walk'. If it had been me who had smashed it, this blog would have been called 'Not Living With Bert Any More'. And don't even ask about contents insurance and whether accidental damage is worth paying the extra for. That's an old argument. Bert won.
• Digging up the garden just as we were at the point of being able to have a party (to celebrate 'the extension nearly being finished'). We now have a multi-level soil bath right outside our back door. The cats love it - we get a new kitchen, they get a new toilet. A big one.
• Oh yes, the cats. We have three. Bert hates cats (see, he doesn't always win). You'll hear more about Bert and cats as we go along.

Anyway, that's about enough for one post. Looking forward to sharing more wonderful Bert moments with you all.