tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30679239804395718792024-03-05T08:02:38.826-08:00Living with BertTales of life with Bert.
He is driven; the rest of us are driven mad.Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.comBlogger48125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-75653900209875162442008-04-15T15:31:00.000-07:002008-04-16T10:32:06.774-07:00Tyred or exhausted?Regular readers will know that I was without my car for a very long time, thanks to Bert's insistence on using a particular mechanic that he went to school with. Bert applies this 'can't trust anyone you didn't go to school with' logic to most aspects of our lives. Plumbers, electricians, builders, the car mechanic - they all went to school either with him or his brother. It's amazing he Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-34816486576409632142008-04-09T06:48:00.000-07:002008-04-09T10:29:36.240-07:00Capital LettersBert received a cheque for £500 this morning following a dispute with our electricity company. He calls it a result - I call it a damn nuisance. Every time he 'wins' it encourages him to write even more letters of protest. Some of you may remember Bert's recent interaction with the Post Office. Feeling good after this morning's success, he decided it was time to write to the PO.I couldn't Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-9431238202436566262008-04-02T13:08:00.001-07:002008-04-02T13:14:29.187-07:00The Anti-Coach Strikes AgainAs some of you may know, I recently started a Diploma in Coach-Mentoring. Bert, as you would expect, is being as supportive as he can.I had my first proper coaching session with one of my 'coachees' today. I was quite apprehensive but it seemed to go very well. Bert asked how it went. "It was really good," I replied. "Afterwards she said that she had found it very powerful."Guess which of Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-27210185788353313392008-04-01T09:32:00.000-07:002008-04-01T13:45:48.753-07:00Grand IntentionsI was watching Grand Designs the other day, and it reminded me of when I once watched it with Bert in our previous house.It was the episode when they converted an old waterworks, and my brother and his wife were also watching with us. At one point, the couple on TV were sanding the very large ceiling in their lounge, using just a small sanding device. The ceiling was in very poor repair and it Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-13634896716799953442008-03-20T12:38:00.000-07:002008-04-01T13:47:34.346-07:00Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner's DaughterBert is currently upsetting our younger daughter (L).Most weekday mornings Bert starts his day with a cycle ride (of sorts: I think I may post on that next time), or a long run around the neighbourhood. He has done this for many years, and the girls have always found it highly embarrassing. We live just up the road from their old primary school, and around the corner from their current Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-75503033312536801742008-03-17T14:19:00.001-07:002008-03-17T15:35:23.282-07:00Hot stuffI have another course workshop coming up in May, and today I was investigating accommodation options. I was a bit horrified at how expensive everywhere seems to be. Bert's suggestions were helpful, as always:Ask the barrister if she will pay half of your hotel fee. (See my previous post)How about camping? That's your other option.Bert seems to think that because the person I crashed into is a Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-53582436292519683682008-03-13T04:47:00.000-07:002008-03-13T07:37:20.406-07:00A dent in my reputationI've just been away for a couple of days, starting a coach-mentoring course. I figure that if I can't get Bert to change his ways, I can at least do my bit to help others change theirs.The workshop was amazing: very intensive (and exhausting), a fantastic learning experience, and an unexpectedly enjoyable social event. My fellow learners are open, friendly, relaxed and very interesting to talk Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-61204822220162794002008-03-09T04:06:00.000-07:002008-03-14T12:40:20.912-07:00Really small talkI often complain that Bert doesn't have the knack of pleasant chit-chat. It is my belief that he only speaks when necessary (and that's according to his definition of necessary, not anyone else's). Yesterday I decided to prove this, and started to record everything he said to me. This is a complete transcript of the first couple of hours (after that I told him what I was doing and then we had Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-70723730351894935292008-03-05T09:32:00.000-08:002008-03-07T16:39:03.478-08:00Stamp of (dis)approvalBert had an altercation with the Post Office today. He has sent a number of recorded delivery letters recently, all of which have failed to arrive.I hardly need tell you that these are letters of complaint. He is writing to the electricity board to complain about them digging up his (our) garden to lay their cables without consent. Hmmm - maybe he sent my Valentine card by recorded delivery, Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-68938998872999958422008-02-27T12:19:00.000-08:002008-02-27T13:34:55.520-08:00RevelationsI'm seeing a career transition coach at the moment. Every time we meet, I come away feeling hugely positive and capable of doing anything I want to do. I think I'd like to be a coach and make people feel good, too.For anyone else out there who is thinking about coaching, you might want to try my little quiz first.So you want to be a coach?1. Someone you know says that they would like to becomeTillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-79097848974107215712008-02-10T03:43:00.000-08:002008-02-10T14:21:36.833-08:00Spot the oxymoronWe visited our pals the Scouse Gits yesterday.At one point, Bert started debating the nature of empathy. (Yeah, you're right. We had started drinking by this time.)In order to illustrate his point, Bert turned to the Gits' 19 year old daughter."Hey [beautiful daughter of very close friends], you'd piss on me if I was on fire, wouldn't you?""Of course!" she replied politely.Bert, suddenly Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-65899910969586001732008-02-02T03:19:00.000-08:002008-02-02T03:53:57.523-08:00Is that a banana in your pocket?"Can I have your banana?"The woman behind the counter didn't know quite how to respond to Bert's strange request. "Er...what?," she replied.Let me explain. Yesterday Bert had an appointment in the dermatology department of our local hospital. This has nothing whatsoever to do with his recent elbow / hand injuries. Amongst his many other complaints**, Bert suffers with lichen planus in his Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-20078985197915662422008-01-25T07:57:00.000-08:002008-01-25T08:48:20.170-08:00Bad Hair DayA while ago I complained that Bert never notices when I've had my hair done. Today he noticed straight away. And here's why:Yes, I'm a ginger nut!Over the past few months I've let my hair revert to its natural grey (to match my mood) and today I decided that I should brighten it up (to match my new mood). Why today in particular? Well, tonight I have a 'big night out', and I didn't want to Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-4264380858578480302008-01-20T08:08:00.001-08:002008-01-20T14:57:11.766-08:00Bad CarmaI'm so lucky.To have Bert, that is.He has such concern for my health and wellbeing he is making it impossible for me to take the easy option. You know how we all moan about how much thinner / fitter / better off we were before we were foolish enough to acquire a car? And, notwithstanding this, how impossible it is not to jump in the car every time you need to pop out for the least thing? Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-69190410956612649682008-01-17T11:15:00.000-08:002008-01-19T02:38:37.712-08:00Better late than neverBert's Belated New Year Resolutions: I will be much nicer to my wife and show affection in a frequent, spontaneous and unprompted manner. Furthermore, I will be prepared to do this in front of family, friends and other associates.I will stop haranguing my wife with my worries about the kids' schoolwork and (lack of) fitness, and I will refrain from making her always be the 'bad cop' by issuing myTillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-27967785696327694632008-01-09T06:25:00.000-08:002008-01-09T06:43:10.926-08:00Easy as Riding a BikeAnother word-for-word document from Bert. This time it's an email he sent to a friend. Bert should really write this blog himself to save me 'telling tales', but naturally he is far too busy doing Important Things.To jack-knife a bike simply follow the instructions below:1. Get out of the saddle and apply power to the legs2. When at maximum output call on God to throw the chain off the top Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-25764970315978415442008-01-04T12:50:00.000-08:002008-01-09T06:24:53.474-08:00Ducking and DrivingI warn you: this tale is definitely not for the squeamish.One of our cats came in with a live bird the other day. Bert managed to get the bird away from the cat, but with only one hand was unable to catch it (the bird) and required some assistance. Being at his beck and call is nothing particularly new to me, as Bert has always regarded me as his PA/gopher. However, since he got his broken elbow Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-25368981566169955942008-01-01T16:24:00.000-08:002008-03-14T12:42:04.550-07:00A snippetNew Year's Eve: a group of us (at a party) were talking about my blog but not everyone had heard of it. Then I overheard this snippet:S: "What's it called?"K: "Living with Bert."S: "Who's Bert?"K: "Knobhead over there."My job is done.Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-87227144406057832232007-12-31T06:00:00.000-08:002008-01-01T16:36:18.386-08:00WARNING:This letter may contain excessive amounts of informationNote: It might make more sense if you read the previous post before reading this one.To whom it may concern.I am writing with respect to recent medical treatment that I have received at the [...] County Hospital in the orthopaedic fracture clinic.It will be easier if I first explain the circumstances of my visit to the hospital together with the resultant care and diagnosis at which point I will Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-51365145121638230722007-12-30T07:21:00.000-08:002008-01-01T16:35:20.322-08:00Christmas BreakThis Christmas will be remembered as 'the one when Bert had a broken arm'. Or possibly had a broken arm. He has had more diagnoses than we've had turkey dinners, and his cast has been on and off like ... well ... like a tart's drawers.And Bert has talked of nothing else. I now know everything I need to know (and a bit more besides) about scaphoid, capitate and triquetral fractures of the Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-40985385480580254282007-12-11T13:23:00.000-08:002007-12-11T14:23:48.896-08:00I've just been tidying up my text messages, and I thought I'd share a few from Bert. These are the more wordy ones; usually they consist of "yes", "no", "maybe" etc. in response to texts from me. Of course I've generally forgotten my question by the time I get the cryptic replies. However, the messages below prove how articulate Bert can be when he wants to be (i.e. when he is pissed, which Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-72188256147718706892007-12-11T02:33:00.000-08:002007-12-11T14:26:24.409-08:00Tasting the tarmac"I can't push the teabag against the side of the cup."Then Bert farted loudly. "That's not like you!" I remarked. (It really isn't like him - he doesn't like to show a lack of control.) "I know," he said, "But I'm in pain here."I've mentioned Bert's physical jerks before. He goes for a long run or bike ride four mornings a week, whatever the weather and no matter how he's feeling. This morning, Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-7945288517982416292007-12-04T13:55:00.000-08:002007-12-04T15:38:00.867-08:00What a bunch of DixWe're back (and we've been back for ages!). I'll offer no excuses, and simply hope that today's classic Bert story will win you round.First, the background. On 12th November we ordered a telly from Dixons with a promised delivery date of 26th. You know the story: one delay/excuse follows another but finally we had a delivery arranged for this afternoon.I was out and Bert wasn't sure he'd be Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-7530120052351482312007-10-17T06:04:00.000-07:002007-10-17T15:11:44.190-07:00Post-hasteOops. It's been so long since I last posted I accidentally typed 'lovingwithbert' into Google. Anyway, on that note I thought I'd better offer you a quickie.Here are some possible reasons why I haven't posted for a while: Bert leftI leftI was showing solidarity for the UK postal strikeThe Internet was brokenI've been awayI won the lotteryBert stopped being funnySorry to tease - of course it is Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3067923980439571879.post-9872782146557616192007-10-03T14:04:00.000-07:002007-10-03T15:12:07.449-07:00Shit StirringBless me, what a sheltered life I've led. Of course there are enema fetishists and poo porn fans out there. I've been checking where people are coming to my site from, and there are more than you might have thought. Or is everyone at it and I just never realised?Now, if I were to include phrases like 'shit smearing', 'enema angels', 'Rubber Latex Inflatable Enema With Thick Sheath Fetish' on Tillyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01971370513808010385noreply@blogger.com1